Staying Out of the Bell Tower

There are a few outlets that keep my rubber bands from breaking under the strain, and I've had none of my usual coping activities this past year.  Let 2014 go down as one of the worst, most dismal years in my 51-year stay on this particular rock that goes hurtling through space.  It doesn't sound like much, but the only way I can keep somewhat stable is by way of writing and fishing.

Writing is something I haven't been able to do since the end of 2013.  No concentration, no focus, tons of brain fog and despair.  As to fishing, I suppose I could have gone out there without a license and took my chances.  In all the years I've fished, I've only been asked to produce my license one time, and that was because I (unbeknownst to me) was fishing on what was public property but property where fishing was not allowed.  I saw no sign.  The official (I have no idea what they're called) respectfully explained my error and then sent me on my way with a smile.  But if I hadn't had a license, the penalties could be stiff, including suspension of the privilege, and not being able to fish at all for a year.

It's only very rarely that you're asked to show a fishing license, but I still decided it wasn't worth the risk.  So no writing or fishing in all of 2014.  The sun went away and the snow came.  I just want this year to be over.

I'm not big on 'diversion.'  Running away from problems doesn't make those problems go away.  So I came to deeply resent multiple attempts by friends to 'get your mind off your troubles,' usually by way of some banal, inconsequential activity.  I had things I desperately needed to talk about, and no one interested in providing real comfort and support.  Despite this, I have two activities that would fall into the 'diversion' category, and by design, they're both solitary preoccupations.  These keep me out of the bell tower, as I said, and I was denied both in all of 2014.  Stick a fork in this year.  It's done.