Depression on Facebook

Okay, so the facebook page is going very well.  I'm still playing around with what I'd call my "format."  I'm trying to maintain a consistent look and posting style.  In radio, we would call this "imaging."  I'm not trying to make it impersonal or commercial, but even with causes and community groups, some sort of branding is involved and you need to help people identify you as a source, whether the thing you offer is a product, a service, or a cause.

And I'm having fun playing around with that anyway.  What a lot of groups on facebook are struggling to do is to make their pages more interactive.  FB has really squelched reach, in an effort to compel page owners to "pay to boost."  I don't mind this if it's a method applied only to commercial pages.  It should never be forced on community pages, particularly those mental health pages that are owned and operated by patients of mental health services.  Many of us are on fixed income or no income at all, and we do not generate revenue through our pages.

Due to their (facebook's) "Pay to Boost" efforts, the average reach of community and personal pages has now plummeted to about 7%.  Many pages, therefore have resorted to posting requests for followers to like and comment, so that the page's ranking goes up.  Following the lead of others, I composed my own meme, and it's a pretty comparable representation:

I've made a few and I varied the wording on each so that it doesn't get boring.  I also post them no more than once per day, but it's still tedious for both me and the people reading my page.  Basically, we're begging our followers to like and comment on nothing at all.  Believe me, we hate posting these requests.

The logic behind this is that reach is increased when followers interact with your posts.  If they like, comment, and/or share, your page's ranking goes up and more people see your posts to begin with.  If there's negative interaction such as "Hide Post," "Hide All Posts," or "Report as Spam," the page's ranking drops and their reach dwindles.

So that's why we're trying to find ways to make our pages more interactive and increase positive responses to our posts.  If you have a page you like, make sure you don't hold back on your clicks and comments.  Even commenting with one or two words helps that page's owner, and you'll see more of their posts.

When I first started my page back in May, I was posting two memes per day.   I realize people like more than one page, and I didn't want to obnoxiously be blasting people's feeds with a ton of posts and second-hand content shared from other pages.  Now I'm up to 8 posts per day, evenly spaced by 1 1/2 - 2 hours, and I keep shared content to a minimum.  Hope it's not becoming an annoyance.

So in an effort to make my page more interactive, I've started asking a question each day, and I've also changed my page settings to allow others to post to my wall.  As to that second thing, I'm still not sure about that.  I've seen other pages get hit with spam posts and with people posting links to their own pages.  I don't want that happening.  I share another facebook page once per day, and I only do it if I've looked the page over and think it's really good.  I also don't do it in order to get a share in return.  It's nice when it happens, but I never ask for it or expect it.

So no, I really don't want people to link their pages without asking me first.  I'll see how it goes there.  If I think it's getting out of hand, I'll disable that setting again.  Considerate people PM me first, asking me to share their page, but unfortunately, that's not everyone.  It's not even most.

So all I can do right now is keep putzing around with things until I get a format that works well.  And if something's not working, or people find something obnoxious or not particularly helpful, all I can do is hope they let me know before they unlike my page.  

Staying Out of the Bell Tower

There are a few outlets that keep my rubber bands from breaking under the strain, and I've had none of my usual coping activities this past year.  Let 2014 go down as one of the worst, most dismal years in my 51-year stay on this particular rock that goes hurtling through space.  It doesn't sound like much, but the only way I can keep somewhat stable is by way of writing and fishing.

Writing is something I haven't been able to do since the end of 2013.  No concentration, no focus, tons of brain fog and despair.  As to fishing, I suppose I could have gone out there without a license and took my chances.  In all the years I've fished, I've only been asked to produce my license one time, and that was because I (unbeknownst to me) was fishing on what was public property but property where fishing was not allowed.  I saw no sign.  The official (I have no idea what they're called) respectfully explained my error and then sent me on my way with a smile.  But if I hadn't had a license, the penalties could be stiff, including suspension of the privilege, and not being able to fish at all for a year.

It's only very rarely that you're asked to show a fishing license, but I still decided it wasn't worth the risk.  So no writing or fishing in all of 2014.  The sun went away and the snow came.  I just want this year to be over.

I'm not big on 'diversion.'  Running away from problems doesn't make those problems go away.  So I came to deeply resent multiple attempts by friends to 'get your mind off your troubles,' usually by way of some banal, inconsequential activity.  I had things I desperately needed to talk about, and no one interested in providing real comfort and support.  Despite this, I have two activities that would fall into the 'diversion' category, and by design, they're both solitary preoccupations.  These keep me out of the bell tower, as I said, and I was denied both in all of 2014.  Stick a fork in this year.  It's done.

Crossroads and Life

I wasn't sure I was going to continue the DNC Facebook page, but I just topped 1,000 followers and it does bring a little joy into my life, so I'm going to keep with it.  I love making the memes.  I love combing the internet for quotations by depressives on depression.  It's a creative outlet for me, and that's something I need right now, since I haven't been able to write since 2013.

I used to write children's stories.  The one I self-published is still available in ebook form on Amazon.  I'm not trying to peddle my book, but my writing is/was a huge part of who I am.  You can get an idea of how I express myself creatively.  They have the free 'peek inside.' 

And before I retired print copies, I ordered a few, and getting a real book in my hands that was filled with the story I wrote was a huge huge deal for me.  It was exhilarating.  When I found myself roadblocked on writing, I was six chapters into a suspense novel.  It was my first foray into full-length adult novels.  Not 'adult' as in porno.  Adult as opposed to children's.  I thought I had quite a unique plot idea.  Then the iron gate came down.  I haven't been able to write ever since.  Depression's not something you can just write through.

Another huge thrill for writers--even self-published ones--is finally seeing your book's cover.  I had been writing these characters for years, and finally got to see their faces.  I got a cover and several interior pictures.  I was on cloud nine.

I wrote my book under a pen name, Northern Adams.  I had started on a second book, as Mickey and his Gargoyle were to be serial characters.  I was also working on a new serial to be a modern-day Encyclopedia Brown or Harriet the Spy, and had started the adult suspense.  I had depression, but was still able to function enough to work on my stories.  It's now been a full year since I could write a single word.  And this isn't regular writer's block.  I'm completely stone-walled.

And this failure to write compounds depression because it's a personal failure.  Correction, it's another personal failure sitting on top of a huge pile of personal failures.  My current theory is that in addition to the brain-fog and loss of concentration and all the anger and resentment that comes with depression, I might be able to start writing again if I can somehow write about my depression the way Elizabeth Wurtzel and Richelle Goodrich did.  Maybe that will be cathartic or therapeutic for me.

If not, then I worry that it's completely dead in me, writing for joy and fulfillment.  I'm not a person who can just bounce around, living life in the moment and for the moment.  I've always had to have something to tether myself to.  I feel like I woke up in someone else's body--a dead body--and now my life is just day after day of walking that corpse around in the world, tethered to nothing.  I'd give anything to have my life back.

I Pulled the Plug

It's damn near impossible to get a discussion forum off the ground.  Everybody's afraid to post on an empty forum, which pretty much guarantees it stays empty, and in the end, it's not worth the aggravation.   So I pulled the plug on the forum.  Now, onto other things.

To be honest, I don't think I'll keep the fb page up much longer either.  It really doesn't come up in search results and posts don't circulate because fb keeps changing how the site works, and how/what you see and when, even from pages or people you follow.  It's just another source of aggravation, and I've got more than my fair share of that.  They keep fiddling with their coding, and pages like mine get ghosted.  It's as though you already don't exist.  What's the point?

It's a better use of my time to use my blog to work out some of my frustrations and issues.  The internet's already full of blogs where people do all their venting and grousing.  One more won't make a difference either way. 

The internet's a horrible place to socialize.  Absolutely horrible.  I'm already almost a hermit, and have no idea why I can't just cut off completely from people.  It's like a woman who won't or can't leave an abuser, and sooner or later, he kills her.

I was having fun fiddling around with making memes, and basically the only reason I started the DNC page on fb was to have a place to post them.  It's neither therapeutic nor cathartic.  It's just way of passing time.

So I think I'm going to retreat to just blogging.  I'll never get hits but that's something I'm used to anyway.  Just screaming into the void for no reason whatsoever.

Take This Life

As I try out websites and discussion forums, I'm also compiling a review of that site for organization, functioning, and other considerations.  Some are just so bad, they are best to avoid altogether.  The first site I've come across that warrants a bad review is Take This Life.

Poorly organized and moderated.  It took me all of one hour to get banned.  My unforgivable infraction?  I posted a link from my forum and facebook page.  Are you serious??  Yes, I now have a personal beef with this site.  The ban notice said 'advertising.' 

Bans for advertising are not supposed to hot-button all links.  Sorry, but that's to understand the letter of the law without understanding the spirit of the law.  Bans for advertising are to prevent links to porn sites, hate sites, and commercial sites.  If you're not selling anything or trying to get visitors to a sex bot site, then you're not spamming the forum.

And having a problem with another depression forum--especially a new one that doesn't even have posters yet--is gulagy.  It's cabal-istic.  Who wants to deal with someone's mania when they themselves are in pain and looking for help and support?  Nobody.  In my wildest dreams, I never expected such a response.  Creepy.  That's just fucking creepy. 

Apparently, whoever runs that forum is trying to do it on auto-pilot, and doesn't care at all about the posters on their site suffering from depression and other mental illnesses. 

What is also a huge turn-off on forums is unnecessary restrictions on how you set up your profile, prohibitive restrictions on profile pictures--as in ridiculously small size restrictions, and PM and posting restrictions that amount to having to jump through hoops before you can fully utilize the forum. 

On all counts, TTL gets an F.  There are a ton of depression forums on the internet, so it's not even close to being necessary to register with that one.  In lay terms, they suck.  Hard. 

Read more: http://depressionboards.freeforums.net/thread/66/life#ixzz3IzYpBARV

Postaphobia

Fear of posting to a new and empty discussion forum.  That's postaphobia.  I googled to see if there was such an affliction, and finding none, made up the word 'postaphobia.'  Most people will not post on a new board.  They might register and watch to see if anyone posts something, but an empty discussion forum is apparently a huge turn-off.  Most new boards languish and die in precisely this way.

When I set out to design a new forum, I wanted to have what others didn't.  I wanted it organized a lot better.  I wanted discussions of suicide to abide the host provider's TOU, but to not drive it all the way to the other extreme where discussions were immediately and completely squelched.  Suicide's become one of the last taboos on the internet, and in my opinion, that's about five miles south of ridiculous.  So I wanted it to be a safe topic.  I didn't want a board that descended into talks about graphic sex and about drug use, socially acceptable or not.  A lot of forums have turned into havens that were nothing more than craigslist personals.  I wanted a real board that would be a real resource that provided real support.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Ah, well.  I'm not ready to give up just yet.

So, okay, I really want to stick it out a little while longer, but I don't know how much longer before it becomes pathetic.  I hesitantly started a new discussion forum for depression and other mental illnesses.  The forums out there right now are, in my opinion, inadequate in one major way or another.

But still, I hesitated, and that's because it's extremely difficult to get a board off the ground.  I have no idea why that is, but really, it's damn near impossible.  If there's something wrong with mine, a huge and obvious turn-off somewhere, I have no idea what that might be.  All I can think to do is sit and wait and hope someone somewhere decides to post something.

So I'll give it a little more time.  Maybe figure out a way to reward the first ten posters to the forum or maybe some other incentive or a prize or something.  Three new posts per day would get it rolling, I'm sure.  Until then, it's very discouraging, even demoralizing, but I'm going to stick it out at least one more month. 

Take a peek if you haven't already.  And if you notice something I don't notice, let me know.

Discussion Forums for Depression

The Facebook page is doing well.  I put it up last May so that I would have a place to post my depression memes.  I had several hundred of them made, and thought they might benefit others with depression.  On my personal Facebook page, I have very very few 'friends,' and fight tooth and nail to keep it that way.  So my depression memes really don't reach the right audience there.  I do post them there first, but they do the most good on a page that appeals to those who have the illness the memes speak to--depression.  I also have a few for Bipolar and Schizophrenia, and several about suicide and suicidal ideation.  There are many that pertain to insomnia--a side effect of many mental health disorders.  There are many memes that pertain to causal factors.  

Here's one of my memes:

The memes all feature quotes by well-known people who have struggled with mental illness, including a few who have actually taken their own lives: Robin Williams, Sylvia Plath, David Foster Wallace, and Virginia Woolf.  Rainbows and kittens and unicorns can only take you just so far in coping with depression.  What is a bigger help is to hear what others have said--others who have gone through it and are going through it.

So I started a Facebook page, not thinking it would grow into anything, and now have over 500 following. 

So I also started a discussion forum.  That can be a nightmare, because discussion forums are extremely difficult to get off the ground.  And right on time, I'm struggling to get it going.  All I can do is stick it out, and hope enough people wander over and start posting somewhat regularly.

The main reason I started the discussion forum was because I've registered with several discussion forums geared toward mental health, and none of them really clicked with me.  They were either poorly organized, unnecessarily large and complicated, poorly moderated and at the mercy of spammers, or the forums were moderated to prohibit any negative posts (failure of will, 'if you talk happy, you'll be happy') or any talk whatsoever about suicide (pretend like it doesn't exist and it will cease to exist.)  

One forum was strictly for Christians with depression, and every post and comment had to be filtered through that.  It amounted to 'failure of will' crossed with 'pray yourself happy,' and that was even less helpful.  If you can't think yourself happy, you can't pray yourself happy.  For one major reason or another, I found no forum that served its implied purpose. 

Here's another one of my memes, just to give you a feel for them:

Sometimes, you feel like shit.  That's reality.  If you can't say that you feel like shit when you feel like shit, there's no help to be had.  Feeling like shit is a component of all forms of mental illness, at one time or another, in one way or another.  No one has ever been censored sane.  It has never happened.  

When you're using any hosting site for any kind of web page, you have to abide by that host's TOU.  That's binding.   For instance, if you start a discussion forum on proboards, you can set your own TOU for use of your forum, but your forum is also bound to proboards' TOU.  That means you can't encourage suicide or discuss methods.  Beyond that, you should still be able to discuss it.  I found that all forums for depression were moderating discussion of suicide above and beyond the restrictions placed by the hosting site.

Why?  

 You need to talk through it.  If you can't talk through it, it's never going to go away.  In my opinion, there are no discussion forums out there currently where you can do that.  That's why I started my own.